My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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