i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
