I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
it hurts more in the daytime
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
