the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
