maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
