i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
where am i from again
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
