Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
