I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just put wine in my tea
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
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