I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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