Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He did a backflip because drugs
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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