I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
