Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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