Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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