i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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