Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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