I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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