I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
