i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
this boner is exhausting
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
