He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.