I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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