so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
