Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
