Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
