If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize