And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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