In America we eat man semen.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
