I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
