I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
