I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
