Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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