2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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