you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
