She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
