Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
