i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
