i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
