no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
