is wine microwaveable?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
