I puked a lego.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
