i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
