We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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