Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
