I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
