And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
