i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
