is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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