mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
