I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
