even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
