Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
