do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
