@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
