you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
