Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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