you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
