How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize