someone threw a dead crab at me
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
