omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
