I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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