so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
