3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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