3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
