she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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